Took me long to think what i really wanna write and how i should start... What language it should be... :/
Well... Idk what to say... I just know i have many things to write today... Tonight i mean...
I was... I was just going to kill someone...
I was driving... Fast... Very fast... The man run at once to the middle of the road... My heart stopped... I... For a moment, my mind brought her face in front of me... I sincerely asked God to help me... I dont want to leave her this much soon... I dont want to kill someone... I pressed the break with all the power i had in my feet... I knew it wasnt enough... I used that damn hand break as well... The car started to shake... The back part was skiing for real... I was frightened... But it worked... That damn hand break did the job thanks to God... When the car started drifting, i just imagined if it turns upside down... That made me to control it... I had to control it... It all happened in less than 3 seconds... The man stepped back and shouted... I stopped later... I couldnt drive... Like drunk people i got out and sit on the ground leaning the car... My heart was beating really fast... This feeling just happened once before... Just for her...
Seems everytime i try to pretend i dont think about her, it is much more obvious that i do... That i keep staring at the same photo for ao long and thinking of i dont know what... Thinking of how much i loved to... Forget it :/
Days are passing... It will pass and i will go back to university soon... Damn days till then... Counting them with the power of Hope only... Maybe the only thing that is left...
I dont want to say i aint got no friends... I do... There are many... They like me, they dont want to see me sad... To see i dont have any interest like i used to... They try their best, they tell me i am wonderful, i am good, the girl was wonderdul too for sure, i should wait... But they dont know these things wont make me better... It just makes me much more worse... I thank em all, but i want... Forget this one too... :|
Game of Thrones... Is amazing... Some dialoges bother though... Like when they said, jon snow said... Ive never been with anyone... U r the first... Memories, u know... Forget this business...
Well, what else? Awh... She isnt around these days... She's become rare... Like what she really is... But, i was thinking if she might think this bad lover has left her... I havent... I check u in some other ways... Even the time i was blocked... I just check to see if u r still good... Thats not enough for sure, but better than nothing...
Yesterday i read the LoveLetter i had written for her days ago when we were at university... Sometimes i search a word by chance in our old conversations... And i start reading... Sometimes it takes a long time to step back into reality...
But... What ever happens... I wont stop... There is a way, if not... I WILL make one... Im not that much a fool as i seem... And not that much of a kid to everyone...
You is important... You is smart... You is loved...
Wont forget these till my last days... No matter what others say...
And idc if these will lead to negative outcomes... I dont expect these to do anything or fix it... I just had to say what was killing me...
Perhaps i can say more... But i cant type... Weeps, you know... And now is not the time... I feel better now...
همسر بیمار!